An Interview With
by Freebie
Summary: A new humorous series interviewing members of the ER; the questions will be set by you! So, read, enjoy and leave a review!
1. Dr John Carter aka JTC

Disclaimer: No, I still don't own ER.

Summary: A series of interviews with members of the ER- another attempt at humour!

A/N: Hey! Some of you may recognise me; I write 'Sometimes All You Have to do is Wait'.  And yes, I am also the person who wrote '50 Bucks, Latex Gloves and the Gurney in Exam 1'- my other humour and most critically acclaimed stand alone so far!

I have decided to start a new humour series- _An Interview With_- and I hope to 'interview' characters old and new, so, I would love it, if you left questions in reviews for me to use in the interviews!

My thanks, as always, go to Quinara (you are the best!), Miss Mochaccino (come back from holiday, already!) and Amarasaa (dude!).

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_An Interview With…Dr John Truman Carter!_

::applause:: 

**Interviewer (known as Izzy, yes, as in Izzy the interviewer_):_** Hello! Welcome!  Now, have you ever wondered what John Carter is really like?  Well, I have managed to bag an interview with the man himself!  _(cue screaming)_  

Please welcome……JOHN CARTER!

**Carter (known from now on as JTC, just think of Justin Timberlake with a C shoved on the end): **Hello! Hi! Hey there!

**Izzy:** Well, you are a very familiar face around the ER, aren't you?

**JTC: **Yep!  Been working there for nearly 10 years!

**Izzy: **How nice!  Now, a few years ago, you were involved in an horrific accident…

**JTC: **Yes.

**Izzy: **Uh, would you like to tell us about it?

**JTC: **_(rolls eyes and looks at fingernails) _Here we go again.  A med student and I were stabbed by a psycho.  She died.  I lived.

**Izzy: **_(taken aback) _And…uh…an addiction followed.  Phentanyl, was it not?

**JTC: **_(nervously loosens tie) _Yeah, Phentanyl.  Forgot about that.  _(nervous laugh follows)._

**Izzy: **And you're clean now?

**JTC: **_(pupils become pinpricks and he looks around nervously) _Yeah- you could say that.  _(Loosens tie, again, and starts sweating)._

**Izzy: **Okaaay, then.  Now, a few questions from our studio audience.  Any questions for Dr. C?

**JTC: **_(Muttering) _Don't call me that.

**Izzy: **Whatever.  Any questions?

(hands shoot up at the speed of light)

**Izzy: **Um…the woman in the bright pink top.  No, sir, the _woman_ in the bright pink top.

**Woman in bright pink top: **Can you please, finally, reveal the truth: Blonde or brunette?

**JTC: **Wouldn't _you_ like to know!  But I can tell you, it's definitely one of them.

Red haired woman stands up.

**Red Head: **_(crying) _Fine!  Forget about us! _(gets up to leave)_

**JTC: **Bo!  Miss!  Seriously, red, brunette, blonde, whatever!  I like them all!  I was only joking earlier.

**Red Head: **You're lying! _(bawls)_

**JTC: **_(pleadingly) _No!  I'm not!  I love you all!

**All Women in Audience: **_(Screams) _We love you, too, Dr. Carter!

**JTC: **_(smiles smugly.  Mutters to self) _They _all _love _me_.

**Izzy: **_(hears him)_ Yep, we all love _you._

**JTC: **Sorry, did you say something?

**Izzy: **Uh…no…Just umm…that…next question please?

**Random Person: **What's the future of Carby?

**JTC: **I'm really not meant to say.

**Random Person: **Please?

**JTC: **Sorry.

**Random Person: **_(yelling) _JUST TELL US!!

**JTC: **_(meekly) _I'm sorry, but they never tell me anything- they say I give away plot lines, when I'm not meant to!

**Random Person: **_(glares)_

**Random Person #2: **Are you and Weaver having a secret affair?

**JTC: **_(mortified) _NO! How could you even think that?

**Random Person #2: **_(shrugs) _ Well, you two do understand each other well and _(Carter glares at him and random person #2 wisely shuts their trap and sits down)._

**Random Person #3: **What about you and Luka?

**JTC: **_(still mortified) _What is wrong with you people?  It's Abby I'm with!  Not Luka, not Weaver, not Romano-

**Random Person #3: **We never mentioned Romano?  Why did you?  Oh.  My.  God.  ROMANO!  You're having an affair with Rom-

**JTC: **_(threateningly) _You finish that sentence, you die.

**Izzy: **_(feels the need to take some control) _Okay!  I think that's enough questions on Dr. Carter's love life.

**Random Person #4: **That's if he haves one.

**JTC: **_(glares)_

**Random Person #5:  **How does it feel to know that everyone now looks to you for guidance in the ER?

**JTC: **_(puffs chest out)  _It doesn't make me feel important or special or the best- I know it's my job and that's what I need to do.  It's what I care most about: helping people.

**Audience: **Awwww!

**JTC: **_(attempts a modest smile and looks downright gorgeous in the process.)_

**Random Person #6: **Will you leave the ER and live off the family fortune anytime in the future?

**JTC: **No I love my job! _(silently) _The old, 'I'm loaded but like to help people' line is so good!

**Izzy: **_(falls for the line and swoons) _

**JTC: **_(looks at her worriedly) _Are you okay?

**Izzy: **_(breathlessly) _I think I need mouth to mouth.

**JTC: **_(grins) _Meet me backstage after.

**Izzy: **Oh, I will.

(Cell phone rings)

**JTC: **Shit!  Is this live?

**Izzy: **_(nods) _Yeah…?

**JTC: **_(answers phone) _Hey, Abby!

(pause)

No I wasn't flirting with her.

(pause)

I was being polite!  What if she was having serious breathing difficulty?

(pause during which screaming from the phone is heard)

**Izzy: **_(realises interview and her time with JTC is up) _Unfortunately, Dr. Carter has to go now.  Thank you, Dr. Carter.

**JTC: **_(waves hand to gesture…something…goodbye perhaps)_

**Izzy: **_(sighs as he walks off still talking to Abby)  _Well, join us next time for another exclusive interview with an ER staff member!

::applause::

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A/N: okay, please review- even if it is to tell me this is a farce- I think one of my friends burst out laughing and said that after reading this.  Thanks, once again please review.

**~Freebs**


	2. Dr Susan Lewis aka DSL

A/N: Hey!  Okay, so didn't expect all that nice feedback!  I love you guys!  And a reviewer reminded me it shouldn't be reader interactive _(thanks Phantom of the Basement!) _so, it's…uh…not!  (just in case TPTB read this!)

_Officer Kyle: _Don't worry- I took no offence!  I don't know where Izzy came from, so, I'm sorry if you don't like her.  And, I actually do like Carter- he's my favourite character- but I've made him so sweet in my other story, I figured, hey, time for a different kind of Carter!  But, hey, if this isn't your cup of tea, I completely understand!

_Dark Sparrow: _Okay!  Whoa!  I'll try and incorporate all the questions- and, don't worry!  I long review is never a bad thing! (Even if it is writing a fic!)  And I borrowed the horny surgeon thing!  Hope you don't mind!

_Melissa Larkin: _Hee!  Don't you worry!  Lucy and Mark will be back!  (And why do I recognise your name?  Have you reviewed any of my other stories- or is that just wishful thinking?)

_My thanks also go to Chi, Kersha, Sparky0151, Bookstitch, Becky, CrazyMayhem, Jah III, Nico, Carrie, Sammie and Cordofan!_

By the by, I couldn't remember how old Sean was…so he's now 17- you'll understand soon!

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_An Interview with…Dr. Susan Lewis!_

_::applause::_

**Interviewer (yep! It's Izzy…she's back!):  **Hi everybody!  It's me, Izzy!  Now, County is famous for it's super nice, blonde doctor- well, she's more blonde than Abby, no offence- and so, of course, she had to come on the show!  Yes!  You guessed it!  It's SUSAN LEWIS!!

_(screams and applause)_

**Susan (known from now on as DSL- you know that internet thing-y): **Hi!  Oh my goodness!  Thank you so much!

**Izzy: **So, Susan!  How have you been?

**DSL: **Well, I got married!  

_(pause)_

**DSL: **But then it was annulled.

**Izzy: **Aw!  Could you tell the audience why it was annulled, Susan?

**DSL: **_(goes a bit red and mumbles) _We were kind of drunk at the time…

**Izzy:** Kind of?

**DSL: **Okay!  Fine!  We were completely smashed!

**Izzy: **_(decides to steer clear of the subject for a while) _Now, you left the ER for 5 years and then came back- you must really love the place to actually come back after all that time!

**DSL: **_(snorts) _I was tricked into coming back!  Mark put my name on the schedule without asking me…_(mumbles) _the stupid little…dumb…

**Izzy: **_(clears throat)_

**DSL: **_(looks up suddenly realising she's still there; flashes that perfect smile of hers to a rather wary audience) _But, I love it, there!

_(audience screams and cheers- a distinct "Go County!  It's your birthday!" is heard)_

**Izzy: **Speaking of Mark Greene…did you really fall in love with him?

**DSL: **Well, I'm not too sure if it was love…or lust-__

_(a snort of laughter is heard from the audience, and then an incredulous voice goes "LUST?! For MARK GREENE?")_

**DSL: **_(indignantly) _It's possible!  I mean how did Elizabeth get pregnant?

(yell from audience of "How do we know Mark's the father?")

**DSL: **_(thinks it over) _You know, that's a very interesting question…

**Izzy: **Okay!  Well, it seems the audience has already started asking questions, so, any more questions?

**Random Person #1 (who isn't random person #1 from chapter 1…just R.P #1 from this chapter): **Why did you go out with Carter when at the actual time he should have been with Abby?

**DSL: **That's just the way the world works. I mean, we truly thought if we gave it a shot, it could have come to something…incredible.  Like marriage and children!

**Random Person #1: '**_We _thought?'

**DSL: **_(blushes) _Fine!  _I _thought!

**Random Person #2: **Seriously, are you and Elizabeth friends or what?  I mean, you greet her and Ella like family when they come to work- but you don't seem to spend time with her outside of work.

**DSL: **_(nods and puts on psychologist voice) _Well, Elizabeth has just lost a husband.  I need to understand that she doesn't really like to socialise much.

**Random Person #3: **Okay- 1) You make her sound anti-social and 2) If she doesn't socialise much, how come she keeps flirting with that horny surgeon Dorsette?

**DSL: **Dorsette!?  No way!  I wanted him!  

**Izzy: **He's better than Chuck.

**DSL: **_(turns to Izzy, looking indignant…but then deflates) _Yeah…I know.

**Random Person #4: **Were you sexually attracted to that Sean guy- with the testicular cancer?

**DSL: **HE WAS 17 YEARS OLD!!!  What is wrong with you?

**Random Person #4: **_(meekly) _Sorry… _(slides down in seat)_

**DSL: **But he did teach me a lot.

(collective 'aww!' from the audience)

**Random Person #5: **How can you can you be such a Carby after you went out with Carter?

**DSL: **Carter and Abby are meant to be…if that means sacrificing myself…so be it.

**Random Person #6: **How come you're so damn nice!

**DSL: **_(smiles) _I honestly don't know…after all the death and break ups I should really be bitter, mean and twisted shouldn't I?

( a number of people nod, someone murmurs, 'wow, she gets it bad in that ER')

**Random Person #7: **Isn't being drunk a bit of a bad influence for a doctor to be sitting- especially because you got married when drunk.

**DSL: **_(goes bright red) _We all make mistakes.

**Izzy: **I think we should stop talking about Susan's drinking problems…

**DSL: **Hey!  I don't have 'problems'!  You know who Abby is right-

(like JTC, DSL is cut off by her cell phone ringing)

**DSL: **Hello?

(pause)

**DSL: **Elizabeth!  Hey!

(pause)

**DSL: **I didn't say you were anti social!!  I implied it!

(pause, cue screaming with a few naughty words from Elizabeth)

**Izzy: **_(sighs and wonders if every interview will end up like this.)  _Well!  I think Susan has to go now!

**DSL: **_(nods and mouths 'I need to go into hiding- these English can really get mad sometimes!')_

**Izzy: **_(attempts a smile) _Thank you for joining us, Susan.  And everybody please come back for our next interview…coming soon!

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A/N: This one wasn't so good- by the way **no offence to the English**, because I'm one!  Thank you so much for all the positive feedback- it means a lot to me.

**~Freebs**


	3. Dr Luka Kovac aka BORE

A/N: Hey! Oh my goodness. I am so, so sorry for lack of updates but we went on holiday (okay it was in July/August) but then we got more work than ever before at school and as always, that has to be my main priority.  But my writing comes somewhere in the top 5! I just want to make clear to all my readers (because I have other stories that seriously need updating) that I am _not_ stopping; I'm just trying to find time.  Thanks so much!!

I need a small favour though, all of you that have seen part of season 10 in the US please don't flame me for my lack of canon because as you may know I live in England and haven't seen season 10; so, my spoilers will only go up to _the end of season 9._

_As always the biggest of thank you's to my reviewers; to name but a few: Quinara, Sammie and OfficerKyle._

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_An Interview with… Dr. Luka Kovac_!

_General Health Warning: As _a Carby Ido not like Luka; if you do, please skip this chapter.  You have been warned.__

_::applause::_

**Izzy (our favourite interviewer):** Hello!  How are all my little darlings?  Well, again we have another brilliant, exclusive interview!  It's with the dark, brooding, foreign doctor?  Can you guess who it is yet?  Some people  even call him a man whore… yes!  You guessed it… It's Luuuuuka!!

_(screams and applause.  One lady even goes as far as to faint.  Paramedics _do_ eventually arrive)_

**Luka(now from now on as BORE_: B_**_oring **O**dd **R**epulsive** E**nemy**):**_  Hi.  How is everyone?  _(lowers his voice to ask Izzy something)_ Do I have to be called BORE?

**Izzy:** _(Just as quietly)_ Sorry, what the Carbys want, the Carbys get.

**BORE:** _(snorts in rage)_ God damn Carbys.

**Izzy: **_(thinking she can still salvage the interview)_ So, Luka it's been a busy year for you, especially since Abby and Carter got together.

**BORE:** Yes, it has.

**Izzy:** _(her desperation shining through) _Tell us about it.

**BORE:** Well, you see, I killed my family- _(gasp from audience)- _UNINTENTIONALLY!  You people know the story!  Anyway, I felt guilty and… 

_(not quite sure how to phrase this; so someone from audience does: "You had a thing with a hooker and became some kind of desperate geek?")_

**BORE:**_ (glares at man in audience)._  You could put it like that.

("I just did," member of audience states)

**Izzy: **You also had a thing with Nurse Chuni, didn't you?

**BORE: **_(through gritted teeth)_ Yes.

**Izzy: **_(laughs)_ That didn't turn it too well, did it?

**BORE: **_(now grinding his teeth together) _No.

**Izzy:** _(not picking up on the signals) _In fact that landed you in deep shi-

**BORE:** Yes.  We get the point.

**Izzy: **Oh, right, sorry.

**BORE: **Let's talk about something else; like how I went to the Congo and saved peoples' lives.

("So did Carter," someone dreamily states from the audience.

**BORE:** _(annoyed)_ Yes, so did Carter.  Why does everything always come round to Carter? Carter's great.  Carter saves lives.  Carter gets the girl.  Carter's hot.  I love Carter.

(everyone stares at him)

**BORE: **_(realising mistake)_ N-no.  I don't think he's hot.  And I most definitely do not love him.  I was just mimicking other people.

("Suuuure you were," someone says sarcastically.)

**BORE: **I was!

("Mmm hmm.  I believe you.")

**BORE:** Shut up!  Before I kill you-

**Izzy: **_(realising things are getting out of hand) _It's alright BORE- _(BORE glares)_ sorry. Luka.  No need to get angry- _(adds as an undertone) _we all know you're capable of killing.

**BORE: **_(continues glaring) _Everyone knows it was in self defence.  Even the hospital.  Hell, they don't seem to care; I got a pay rise just last week.

**Izzy: **_(perks up, suddenly interested) _Oh really?

**BORE: **_(starts flirting) _Well, yes-

(someone in the audience gags bringing Luka and Izzy out of their reverie together)

**Izzy: **_(flushing slightly) _Umm…. Any questions?

**Random Person #1: **Are you trying to be like Doug?  Because if you are, you really suck at it.

**BORE:**_(the gritted teeth return) _No, I am not trying to be like Doug.  He is his own person.  I am my own person.  Any similarities are purely coincidental.  _(in an undertone) _Doug and Carter.  Always Doug and Carter.

**Random Person #2: **You did pay the prostitute, right?

**BORE: **_(yes, still gritting teeth) _Of course I did.

**Random Person #3: **So are you admitting you have slept with a prostitute and furthermore paid her for her services.

**BORE:** What the hell is this?  A cross examination?

**Izzy: **Well, an interview is kind of like that.

**BORE: **Whatever.  Yes.  I slept with a prostitute.  And yes, I paid her.

**Random Person #4: **Do you still love Abby?

**BORE: **I never did.  It was purely comfort I seeked for when with her.

**Random Person #5: **Like with the prostitute?

**BORE: **Can we please get off the topic of the hooker?

**Izzy: **Okay, no more hooker questions.  We have established yes they slept together.  And yes he paid her.

**BORE: **_(glares) _Thank you for clearing that up Izzy.

**Izzy: **_(still perky) _That's okay.

**Random Person #6: **Why are you such an asshole at times?

**BORE: **_(finally snaps)_ THAT IS IT! THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!

**Izzy: **_(desperately flirtatious) _Oh, Luka, come on now.  One more question for little old me?

**BORE: **_(turns on the charm)_ For you dear, anything.

**Random Person #7: **Are the rumours about you and Carter true?

(Izzy cringes)

**BORE: **_(truly confused) _What rumours?

**Random Person #7: **Oh, you know.  The ones flying round that say… that you have a teensy crush on a certain Dr. Carter.  Can't blame you though.  He is very hot.  _(does that odd air-bite thing)_

**BORE: **_(furious)_ AND AGAIN!  WE'RE BACK TO CARTER!  No.  I do not have a _(pause and he then spits the word out) crush_ on Carter.  _(turns to Izzy) _I shall never return!  You have embarrassed me beyond my wildest dreams.  _(Adds quietly) _You know where my dressing room is, babe.  _(Then stands and storms off)._

**Izzy: **_(close to tears now that another interview is ended badly) _Ladies and gentlemen Dr. Luka Kovac.

(sparse applause)

**Izzy: **Please join us soon for our next interview on an Interview With…

(she then bursts into tears but soon remembers BORE's invitation and runs off stage.  The audience sit quietly not quite sure what to do as the lights go down.)

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A/N: Yes, I know that was awful.  But that's the best you're going to get it.  I will try and update a.s.a.p.  As always please review.  Until next time!

**~Freebs**


	4. Ms Abby Lockhart aka AL

A/N: Well, here I am.  Still alive and updating a lot late.  Yes, I do know how long it has been and I am so sorry!  I'm not going to go off on a tangent about school because you might just kill me- or worse, flame me.  Hee!  Sorry, couldn't resist a lame joke.

I know feel the need to tell you that I have seen up to _Makemba _in series 10 (please do not get me started) so as I progress into series 10, _An Interview With_ will probably come with me but I am like one of the last people in the world (okay, slight exaggeration but I live in England and do not have Sky) to see episodes. Anyways, we'll ride that wave together.

No offence to Judge Judy by the way- it happened to be on in the background.

_Big, fat, humungous thank you's to my wonderfully supportive and complimentary reviewers!  Thank you so much!  To name a random few: Quin, OfficerKyle, Anna/Dar Sparrow, Moon's Tear, Carby luva 313, Kekelina, Rock Lobster, __chicamia01_, _CARBYforever et al.  I think I just did everyone didn't I?  Oh well._

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_An Interview with… Ms. Abby Lockhart_! 

_::applause::_

**Izzy (who else?): **Hello, loves!  How are you!  Hellooo! I love you too!  Now, it's that time again… yes, you guessed it!  It is time for another brilliant interview with a member of the staff at County General!  Some people call her a bitch some people call her the best thing that ever happened to ER- and Carter- please welcome… Aaaaaabby!

**Abby (Known from now on as AL due to the fact that are initials are AL, not because she's male or anything equally odd): **Hello!  How are you?

**Izzy:** Ab!  Can I call you Ab?

**AL: **I'd rather you didn't-

**Izzy:** Whatever, Ab.  Now, some people call you stupid don't they?

**AL: **_(slightly taken aback at the bluntness of Izzy's question)_: They do?

**Izzy: **_(as if calling AL stupid is perfectly normal):_ Well, yeah.  You let John Carter go.  **_John Carter_**.  I mean if that isn't reason to call you stupid, what is?

**AL:** Listen, we're both happy now and that is all that matters.  We're good friends, we should never have dated.  Everything now is as it should be.

**Izzy **_(disbelievingly)_: Really?

**AL: **Yes.

**Izzy **_(interrogatorily) _: Are you sure?

**AL: **YES!  What the hell is this?  Judge Judy?

**Izzy **_(insulted she has been compared to Judge Judy)_ You… _(composes herself) _stupid fool.  

**AL:** What?

**Izzy: **Nothing.  You know what, I do not wish to talk to you any further.  _(turns to the audience) _It's your turn.  Give her your worst.

**Random Person #1: **Did you dye your hair blonde just for Carter?

**AL:** No, this was a purely personal decision, which was swayed in no way by Carter.

**Izzy **_(sarcastically) _You just happened to dye it a second after you got together with Carter, then?

**AL: **_(through gritted teeth) _Yes.

**Random Person #2: **Why do you never, ever smile?

**AL: **I do smile!  I mean, I'm sorry if I'm not an ultra-perky person, but why should I be?  I have family problems and-

**Izzy: **Oh, God.  Please do not go into your family stuff.  I might just die of boredom.

**AL **_(insulted): _Excuse me, but my family has major problems.

**Izzy: **Then it's no wonder you belong to it then, is it?

_(Before AL can reply)_

**Random Person #3: **Did you like Carter's beard?

**AL **_(mumbles a mantra of 'we are still friends' before saying):_ I think that it was… interesting.  Everyone should be able to experiment with their look, even if it isn't the right thing to do at the end of the day.

_(everyone stares at her)_

**AL: **Okay! Fine! It looked awful.  All I wanted to do was get a razor and shave it off.  Are you happy?

**Izzy: **Very.

**Random Person #3: **Why did you a date a man who killed a man on your first date?

**AL:** Luka's a good guy… killing aside.  He was confused, and now he's not.

**Random Person #4: **Kind of like how Carter was lost, then when he left you he was found.

_(the entire studio has an epiphany)_

**Izzy: **So, you're the reason for all the problems in the ER.

**AL: **Excuse me!  People bring problems unto themselves.

**Random Person #5: **Who the hell are you… Shakespeare?

**AL: **_(rolls eyes)_

**Random Person #6: **I like you better in the nurses uniform than the white coat.

**AL: **_(visibly stressed) _Tough.

**Izzy: **What do you think of Makemba?

**AL **_(through gritted teeth)_**: **Lovely.

**Izzy: **_(raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow)_

**AL: **Fine!  How stupid does a person have to be to have unprotected sex in a third world country, I ask you?  Very is the answer! And that is what John Carter is! Stupid! He had unprotected sex in a third world country with a woman he barely knew and he knocked her up!

_(AL continues to rant along these lines)_

**Izzy: **_(hissing) _Security!  Security!  _(now yells) _SECURITY!!  Get her out of here!

_(Security tries to drag AL away- she is still cursing Carter/Kem- think Jerry Springer)._

**Izzy: **_(practically sobbing at the fact that another interview has ended in disaster and without sex) _Ladies and gentlemen that's all we have time for.  I thank Abby and… hope the next show is not as disastrous. 

_(she breaks down completely and sobs while mumbling "They'll fire me.")_

_::sparse applause can just about be heard underneath AL's screaming::_

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A/N: I am so sorry.  The chapter was just as disastrous as Abby's exit.  It's the best I could do!  I may try again if you all think it's complete crap.  I quite like the ending though…  Anyways, please review and tell me what you think.  

::apologises profusely for awfulness of chapter::

**~Freebs******


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